I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize