Banned from zoo.
Again?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
