I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
