spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
