He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
