Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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