My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
