He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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