AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
