My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
