I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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