I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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