It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
