Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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