I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
