Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
