Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
