If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
how does that bad decision feel?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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