It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
