I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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