shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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