He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
