Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
