I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
