So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
