Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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