this beer tastes like vomit already
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
