i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
