She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
