She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
