i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
