A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
