I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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