I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
