So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
