Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
