I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
