If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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