Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
