Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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