Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
