Got a toothbrush?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
