3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
