Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
