we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How's work?
Spinning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There r osticjed everywhere
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
