So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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