State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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