There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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