it wasn't lemon gatorade
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
