You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
