I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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