I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
