She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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