Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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