he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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