I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
