It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
