you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
