he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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