i wish starbucks made bloody marys
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
