You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
