I want to make a zoo with you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize