I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
