Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize