So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize