my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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