I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
