just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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