My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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