All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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