Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
