please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
