Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
